We're here!

I don't have time for a full run-down right now, so, quickly, three things:

1) Los Angeles should just give up the charade and declare the 405 one massive huge parking lot. Freeway, my ass. A blind, three-legged dog with rheumatoid arthritis could travel faster than my car did on that black-topped slice of Hell yesterday.

2) I totally hate peas? And yet I am in love with, and quite possibly want to marry, the pea soup at Pea Soup Andersen's in Buellton, CA. You know, if the whole Robert thing doesn't work out....I'm just saying I'm open to exploring other avenues. It looks like phlegm but it rocks my world.

3) Target card + first day here = maxed out. Already. Oops.

Come tomorrow we are off to Dallas to spend the night near the airport. It's the difference between getting up at 5:30 and getting up at 8:30 so I am thrilled out of my gourd that we are able to do it.

We leave Dallas at 11 a.m. on Tuesday and arrive at LAX around 2:30. Then there's a (minimum) 3.5-hour drive to my folks' house, not to mention 30-60 minutes to pick up the rental car, numerous potty stops and probably a stop for a bite to eat. I imagine we won't arrive at the Incorrigible Homestead much earlier than 7:30.

I spend maybe a third of the time online there as I do at home. It's not because my social calendar doesn't leave room for computer time; it's that my mom's slow computer accesses the internet with a slow dial-up connection -- which also happens to be the only phone line in the house. My dad spends a lot of time asking me if I'm still online while I'm there.

Also, my first full day there just happens to be my best friend's day off, so I imagine I will be running the streets with her for at least part of the day.

What this all boils down to is that I probably won't be on with a new entry until later in the week -- let's say Thursday, at the earliest. I do, most definitely, intend to keep on blogging from California. They will just be fewer and further between. But stick with me -- I'll be around. I will regale the internet with stories of late-night grilled cheese sammiches at Denny's and how my mom bought half the merchandise in the Carter's outlet store for my brats. Now, won't that be fun? (That is SO rhetorical, by the way.)

Have a lovely week, everyone.

*Yawn*

Yes, I know, I'm taking this night owl thing a bit too far. I can't help it, folks -- it's just one of those nights. Fellow insomniacs can identify with me, I'm sure. It's one of those nights where your body just isn't going to fall asleep even though it should, by rights, be exhausted. A night where things that normally wouldn't bother you are, instead, preventing you from falling asleep. Like the water I drank a little while before I went to bed. On a normal night I would fall asleep and wake up four or five hours later to say bye-bye to all of it at once. But, on a night like tonight, I lay there in bed, wide-eyed and staring at the ceiling, feeling every minute sensation that passed through my body -- and, therefore, ended up visiting the ladies' four times in thirty minutes. Fun stuff, that.

Also contributing to the situation is the fact that this is Robert's first night on his new c-pap machine (for sleep apnea). I am not entirely sure I will be able to get used to the noises this thing makes (the machine, not Robert. I've had 8 years to get used to him.) The noise ranges from a rather loud hiss, at the quietest, all the way up to hissing plus a high-pitched squeaking sound when the mask gets slightly displaced. Add to that the fact that he is still snoring (though much more quietly) and it adds up to quite the cacophony. I do hope it's helping, though. Especially since I fully expect him, after his first solid night's sleep since he was a kid, to bound energetically out of bed in the morning to deal with the children while I sleep in. Yeah, and the part about not dying suddenly from heart problems brought on by the apnea doesn't suck, either.

And now, good readers, I'm off: to sleep; perchance to dream. And perchance to not have to hit the loo for at least another five hours. I don't ask for much.

From this:

To this:

In just two short years.

I love you, John-John. You've given me a run for my money these past 104 weeks but I wouldn't change it for the world. May you have love, luck and success and may you have as profound and positive an effect on the world as your two namesakes had.

Now that the smooshy stuff is out of the way -- let's go shopping. I've got a debit card and money in the bank. Toys R' Us is your oyster, buddy.

I think my children, for the first time in their lives, are bored.

In the past few weeks, since preschool let out for the summer, approximately 75% of the conversation in this household has consisted of, "Mommy!!!" (in a loud, demanding tone), followed by a sentence beginning with either "I want..." or "Can we..."

Don't get me wrong; it's not that I'm complaining about the day-to-day care and feeding of the children. That's expected. People who don't want to do that stuff shouldn't have kids in the first place. I don't mind making meals, fixing the occasional snack, helping with matters of cleanliness and doing the occasional activity to help alleviate boredom. But what they are doing, currently, is constant. I can't even get five minutes to down my morning nourishment without someone ragging on me to do something and, 95% of the time, it's something that really could wait just a little while longer. As if I am going to leap from my chair, fling my Pop-Tart on the floor, and, exuding nobility, cry, "I may not have eaten in fourteen hours but that fact pales in comparison to your desire to color all over my dining room table with markers! Wait no further; I shall eschew my meal and fetch the coloring implements forthwith!" And, again, it's not the mere act of asking to color that gets my goat, as that is all part and parcel with the whole Mommy Thing. It's when it's the fourth request in the past ten minutes, all of which have come while I'm in the middle of some "little" task (such as trying to take in nourishment to sustain my body another day so I may continue to care for them) that it starts to wear on the nerves a titch.

The only thing I can figure is that they are both bored and are taking it out on me. Because my kids are SO not normally like this. But now, not only is school out, but we have no car for most of the day since Robert needs it to go to work. And, back before we sold my car, I had no money to take them anywhere. So we have been doing a LOT of staying home this past month, and, perhaps, it is starting to wear on them. I know it's definitely taking its toll on me. For example, I can hear them out in the living room now and I know exactly what they are doing. They have the couch cushions on the floor and are leaping off the couch onto the cushions. And I? Totally don't even care. They are out of my hair for the first time today and they aren't vegging in front of the t.v. and there's nothing bad about either of those things. Heck, I may even go join them.

I am so incredibly sick of the same old food. The only decent restaurant in this town is an Italian place whose food is so rich I can only stand it a couple times a month, max. I mean, you know, it's not like I'm wasting away to nothing. It's probably a good thing we don't have any of my favorites here because I obviously don't miss a meal, as it is. I certainly don't need any more temptation to stuff my face more than I already do.

Then again, I find that if I have a certain type of food readily available I will obsess over it for a little while and then lose interest; I suppose because it's no longer rare and elusive. Case in point: Jack-in-the-Box and Carl's Jr. I almost never ate at either place when I lived in California and had one five minutes from my house. But when I moved to Oklahoma and there was nary a one to be found in the entire state I longed for it. Now we have both establishments here in town and, once again, I almost never visit either one of them. So, perhaps, the same would hold true if we had, say, an IHOP here. Maybe I'd gorge myself on pancakes for a few weeks and then it would lose its luster.

The bottom line, however, is that I am sick unto death of the food choices available to me here.

I do get a brief reprieve when I head to California next week. There is all manner of things to eat there that you can't get in Oklahoma. Like a decent sandwich, for one. I've looked high and low and the only truly satisfactory sandwich I can find in this state is at Panera Bread. But even those pale in comparison to the ones I can get back home. My menu when I'm home is, like my palate, extremely simple and unsophisticated. It consists mostly of deli sandwiches with trips to Denny's sprinkled liberally in between. (What can I say? I love a good grilled cheese and fries and Denny's serves them up 24 hours a day. Not to mention we don't have one here so that automatically places it a few notches higher on the list than where it has any right to be.)

Well, golly....see what happens when I write before I've had dinner? Off to wait for the pizza man now....

I'm coming out of the closet: two weeks ago we sold my car -- my beloved '99 Toyota 4Runner that I got, brand-new, with only 8 miles on it, from the dealership.

Woohoo! My mom preordered our copies of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince today! I will be home in CA at the time of its release and, being all night-owlish and such, my intention has always been to go to the midnight release party at Borders to get my copy. My mom, whose idea of staying up late is 10:30, will not be accompanying me, but I told her I'd pick her copy up as long as I was there.

Now I just have to deal with my dad ragging on me about it for the first 2.5 weeks I'm there. Not only does he think it's unnecessary, bordering on immoral, to set foot out of the house past 6 p.m., but I am going to have to drive "over the hill" to San Luis, 15 miles away, to go to Borders. This is a major trip in his book during daylight hours, so you can imagine what he'll think of me driving over there at the unholy hour of 11 p.m. To him, this is tantamount to ascending Mt. Everest, sans sherpa. I'm sure he wonders often how he ever spawned such an unruly, incorrigible child as myself. But, no matter! Come morning both my mom and I will be completely engrossed. I just wonder who will watch the kids while we are at Hogwarts?

Dude, we were cooking this full-on turkey dinner? And it was about 20 minutes away from being done? And our lights? They totally went out. We were having a storm and it blew the power for the entire neighborhood. It was off for 2.5 hours, y'all. It just came back on about 9:45. I had already given up on the kids eating the dinner and had run to McDonald's and gotten them something. So now it's just me and Robert and we're about to dig in.

Well, I mean, what were we supposed to do? We had an almost-cooked turkey, cooked potatoes that just needed to be mashed, water for the dressing had butter in it and was boiling.....and neither of us have eaten since lunch. So, to heck with society's narrow-minded time limitations. We're about to have Thanksgiving in June.....at 10 p.m.

Well, I guess I'm truly a part of the blogosphere now. Some assmunch has been putting trackback pings on my older entries -- hey, would you like some eggs with your Spam, dickweed? Fortunately Zoot is going to configure MT for me so that my comments/trackbacks will be closed after a specific amount of time to prevent this from happening any more.

And, just in case they are reading -- nice choice, jerkwad. A whole three people read this blog. That's really worth your time!

1. Skivved off church. Am lazy and ungrateful.

2. Cleaned bunny's and guinea pig's cages.

3. Did hourlong exercise video.

4. Did at least three loads of laundry (folded by my lovely husband, so I can't complain too much).

5. Unloaded dishwasher.

6. Reloaded dishwasher.

7. Listened to weather broadcasts running on all three Oklahoma City stations, in which weather men were convinced the apocalypse was nigh.

8. Swept dining room.

9. Tried to marshal ambition to mop dining room. (Status: failed)

10. Checked outside to see if apocalypse had arrived. (Negative.)

11. Went to Walmart. (Third time in two days that I or another family member have spent gobs of money there. Cannot escape its gravitational pull. Is evil.)

12. Went to 10:15 showing of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. (My assesment: meh.)

13. Ordered (online) two pairs official John Lennon sunglasses. (Have had same pair of shades for six years running. Deserve treat.)

14. Stayed up till ungodly hours composing this entry and playing pointless-yet-addicting computer game.

All in all, not a bad way to spend a Sunday. Well, except for the no church part. That's just asking for a smiting.

Madalyn won't be going to Milwaukee with me, after all. Robert had a minor anuerysm when he found out not only how much I paid for the Milwaukee tickets but that I was also still planning to go to Dallas. After he recovered, though, he decided he didn't mind so much and also agreed that it wasn't fair for me to un-invite my friend, Dave, who had initially expressed an interest in going with me. So the original plan is back on: I take Madalyn to Dallas and Dave goes with me in Milwaukee.

A large part of Robert's recovery can be attributed to Dave, who totally ROCKS, by the way, and who is going to pay me back for the entire half of the purchase price even though he knows he doesn't have to and I didn't expect it. Also contributing to Dave's awesomeness is the fact that he is going to let me stay at his place and also chauffer me around town which will keep my expenses to a minimum. Basically I just need a plane ticket and food/t-shirt money. I need to find out if Judaism has anything equivalent to sainthood because I'm totally going to nominate Dave for it if it does.

(Also, in case anyone wondered: I do have other things to talk about besides my concert plans. It's just that, after a week of Vacation Bible School shepherding, I have exactly two functioning brain cells remaining. One is entirely focused on the concerts and the other is repeating, "Must. Sleep. Go. Lie. Down." on a continuous loop. And since there's not much to write about napping, I'm writing about the other thing. Hopefully a nice lie-in tomorrow will bring the higher functions back to normal capacity.)

Add another one to the schedule, boys and girls:

Milwaukee, October 23rd -- Section 225; Row E.

11.

It's a beautiful number.

Let's all ponder it for a moment: 11.

Why, you might ask?

26 kindergarten/first-graders + me ÷ too little sleep = my life this week.

Yes, Vacation Bible School time is here. And somehow I find myself playing sheepdog to a flock of twenty-six unruly lambs who have attention spans only slightly longer than your average goldfish.

Ahh, motherhood.

Is it Friday yet? ;)

I'm either a vampire or I'm mental. It's 1 a.m. and I have no desire to go to bed. I'm a little tired but no more so than I would be during the late-afternoon slump that most people go through. Since I'm fairly certain I have a soul and my house is not littered with the carcasses of animals drained of their life blood, I'm leaning toward the mental thing. I'm almost sure I'd know if I was undead. Though I have to say I can't remember the last time I looked at myself in a mirror. And garlic makes my IBS act up. Do vampires have spastic colons?