Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday dear....uh, me.

Happy birthday to meeeeee.

Why is it that when I don't want the cats all up in my face....they're all up in my face? But when I'm lonely and could use a little company? The little hairballs are nowhere to be found.

Case in point: when more than half my bed is being taken up by Robert already, Cosmo, the 14-pound slab of hairy, striped dead weight, must insinuate himself between us every night, pushing me over to the very edge of the mattress. However, when Robert is gone overnight and there's actually room and I wouldn't mind having Cosmo around he is gone with the wind.

Maybe it's a just an evil cat thing. Are dogs like this?

"Waaaaaaah!" pretty much sums things up for me right now. My parents, who have been here since Labor Day, will be heading out tomorrow before sun-up. And I? I am crashing, big-time.

This usually happens when they visit and often happens when I visit out there -- though it didn't this last trip. I felt so awful the entire time I was there I was thrilled to come home. It's always harder when they come here and then leave. Even though I haven't felt up to par most of the time they've been here and I've been pretty grouchy I still wish they didn't have to go.

The regret is setting in, too. I'm realizing (as happens every time) all the stuff we just didn't get around to doing. We always manage to miss doing some of the things I'd planned but even moreso this time because I haven't felt well. It's not that they expect to be entertained while they're here; this is all me. I like to make the most of visitors' time here and I feel like I've dropped the ball if all we've done is sit around the house every day.

Then there's also the regret for how I've been behaving while they've been here. I have NOT been a barrel of fun, I think. The combination of being off my medication and being sick all the time is not a good one for me. Like I said, I've been grouchy and irritable and lazy and I feel rotten about it. I'm really hoping that I'm in a better place, mentally and physically, when we go out there at Christmas because I feel like I've been a total $h*t the entire time they've been here.

So all this is enough to lay me low but then add to it that Robert has to go up to the panhandle tomorrow. He will also be leaving before sun-up and won't be back till 10 p.m. or later. Now, it IS only one day and normally it wouldn't faze me but when you add it onto the fact that it's the same day my parents are leaving and I'm already down about that it gets a lot worse than it really is. It also means I'm going to have to handle the whole morning routine, the school drop-offs and the pick-ups, and dinner and the bedtime routine by myself tomorrow. Yes, I'm a BIG FAT WUSS. But between R and then my parents I've been so spoiled recently I've barely had to lift a finger. And the thought of having to take all this responsibility tomorrow if I feel as crappy as I've felt the past two days is a bit demoralizing. Like I said: I = big fat wuss. Honestly, though, if I wasn't pg, or if I was feeling normal it wouldn't be an issue. I'm just wiped out, wrung out and beaten down by feeling like heck all the time.

My usual fix for a crash like this is to focus on things I have to look forward to on the horizon. I DO have some things.....and yet it's hard for me to be excited about them because, again, we're back to the "feeling awful" situation. There's stuff coming up that promises to be fun -- IF I am feeling well by the time they arrive. So, blah, I'm sorry, but I'm basically just one huge downer right now.

Have I mentioned how much help my parents have been? My mom has done so much for the kids and both parents did a whole handful of household repairs and such that I either didn't have the motivation or knowledge to do myself. My mom has bought us so much stuff since she's been here and the only reason my van isn't abandoned on the side of the road, out of gas, is because she bought me 3/4 of a tank last week. (We have been in sort of a tight few weeks because the money from R's new clientele won't kick in till the beginning of October and no other clients had paid him in a couple weeks.) I hate that they have to come here and do all this stuff but I'm very grateful and I hope they don't feel like they HAVE to do it. I could always use a little help but moreso now than any other time. They've been a godsend.

I suppose that will have to suffice for an update for now. Hopefully I will have a good day soon and feel like writing something a little more cheerful.

A week ago Sunday Robert took the kids for a hike in the woods. He did an excellent job keeping them out of the poison oak/ivy -- so excellent that they didn't get a single spot on them but he came home with it and then passed it on to me.

I have a bunch of spots on my stomach, one on each hip, on the backs of my knees, on my forearms, and then two spots on my cheek (actually, three -- two are spots and the other looks like a long scratch) and a sizeable spot on the inside corner of my right eye.

So I can deal with the itching and stuff, though we've gone through two bottles of Caladryl. The spots are dried up now and are healing. Unfortunately the spots on my face have turned an angry purple-red. It looks AWFUL. The weird thing is it looked better when I got up this a.m. but then I threw up and it turned bright purple again, I guess from all the blood being forced to my face. (Don't ever let anyone tell you that being pregnant isn't glamorous!)

The face spots don't itch anymore so I keep forgetting they're there and my mom and I went out to run a bunch of errands today. It kept occurring to me that people were looking at me funny all day. Then Robert was looking at me a little while ago and joked, "Great, now people are going to think I'm smacking you around" and I took another look at myself and realized it does look for all the world like someone's been whacking me in the face! I'm kind of scary looking.

Hopefully nobody calls CPS or anything. I sure wish this would hurry up and fade because it's kind of disturbing to look at.

I've got a bowl of organic hamburger in the fridge with onion soup, Worcestershire and A1 mixed in. It's sitting in there absorbing all the flavors and as soon as Robert gets back from his tramp in the woods with the kids he will make patties out of it and slap them on the grill. I've also got chips and all the fixings to pile on the burgers.

Who's coming over for dinner?