I just booked our California plane tickets. We don't leave until July 11th but I'm going to go ahead and start freaking out now, mmmkay? Bear with me.

I have, in the past, been a bold and hearty traveler. I didn't bat an eye at flying alone with Madalyn and barely gave a thought to adding another kid to the mix. But the idea of flying, alone, with THREE of them, one of them being Eliza? It has me completely intimidated. Earlier today, before I booked the tickets, I was wishing I didn't have to go at all. It's not being there in California that I wish to avoid; it's entirely the day spent getting there that has me running scared. Which is why I bit the bullet and bought the tickets -- once we actually get there I will be glad we went to all the trouble. Until it's over, though, I will be shaking in my boots. Which, when you think about it, probably isn't the best state of mind in which to start out. Perhaps between now and then I can talk myself down somewhat.

After all, for all I know, it may go wonderfully. Madalyn's a big help. Eliza does take a pacifier now and, when things really go south a boob nearly always will settle her down. Plus her very favorite place to be is in my arms and, luckily for her, I didn't book her a seat, which means she will be on my lap the entire way. So perhaps that will be enough to keep her relatively content. Also, in another 3 weeks, she may be to the point where she will hold and gum toys, which will add another trick to the arsenal for occupying her. And, really, it's she about whom I'm worried, one hundred percent. The older two are a breeze. They were little to no trouble last time we flew and they were an entire year younger then. I know Madalyn will be a big help. She will be designated baby-holder if I need to hit the ladies room on the plane.

We only have one stop both going and coming back and I selected flights on the outward-bound trip that give us about two hours' connection time. That will go a long way toward reducing my anxiety level because it means even if we're a bit late coming out of Dallas we should make our second flight easily. At least I won't have to stress the entire however-many hours from Dallas to Phoenix, wondering if we'll make our connection or be stuck in Arizona overnight.

Lastly, we are coming into the airport that's only 15 minutes from my parents' house. (The other options are two or more hours away.) It cost a little more but I simply could not face the thought of traveling all day and then having to drive for hours more after we finally get off the plane. The extra expense is worth it, to me. I've got to be good to myself once in a while. When Eliza gets a little older I won't mind sucking it up and exploring options that require a bit longer drive. Right now it would just be a bit much.

Well, that's all I've got. If that doesn't help me simmer down a bit I don't know what will. Actually, I do feel a bit better. Still not looking forward to the trip but I think I'll at least be able to stave off the real anxiety at least until closer to the departure date.

Wish me luck, everyone. I will need it.