My dear eight-year-old (as of today) spent fifteen minutes on the phone with her dad tonight, grilling him on what he does and doesn't like about each of the Presidential and Vice-Presidential candidates. Following that there was an in-depth discussion of the electoral college which culminated in her asking me to go to a specific website he told her about, where she could see a map of all the states which showed their electoral vote tally and which side they're on. She studied this closely until I made her get up to go to bed. During all of this she also professed a desire to watch the results on t.v. on election day and asked to be told the story of the 2000 election again (Robert has regaled her with it at least twice already).

Folks, she does not get this from me. We can thank her Intercollegiate Legislature/Model U.N.-participating, History-minoring father for this bent. Who knows? Maybe I'll be the mother of a Congresswoman or even the President someday.

I have got one of those nagging feelings that there's something I should be doing, or dreading, or fixing. Robert and all the kids are gone over to his dad's house and I should be reveling in the peace and quiet; perhaps planning some toothsome nosh to be enjoyed while watching some of my DVR'ed shows. Instead I sit here, on edge, feeling as though there's something worrisome about which I've forgotten.

Lots of people would be just fine with this state of affairs. Either they'd figure if it was that important they wouldn't have forgotten it, or they'd be content with the respite from worrying about the issue for as long as it took them till they finally remembered. Not I. I am not one to do well with unpleasantness hanging over my head. If there's a problem, I don't want to ignore it. I want to identify it and then implement a solution as soon as humanly possible. I can't fully enjoy my usual simple pleasures if there's something less-enjoyable lurking around the edges of my periphery the entire time. I don't compartmentalize well. If there's an aspect of my life that is less than stellar it tends to cast a pall over everything else.

In situations such as this the best thing for me to do is write about it and try to dissect why I'm feeling this way. Oftentimes I will discover that it's not so much one, big, upsetting situation that's nagging at me so much as several small, relatively minor issues (must-dos, unresolved problems) that have snowballed to create a feeling of trepidation. Then all I need to do is separate all the components (usually by making a list of them) and think of resolutions to each and my anxiety vanishes.

I know, for certain, that part of my problem is the ongoing van issue. It was "fixed" as of Thursday afternoon -- it was (allegedly) a mere battery connection problem. It ran fine until last night when we left the restaurant where we ate dinner and it repeated the same problem that caused me to have it towed last Tuesday. This time, instead of failing to stay on, though, once we got it turned on it continued to run and then were able to drive home. This morning when Robert started it it hesitated but then fired up and worked okay. We are thinking it's a battery issue still -- last night it lost power and then when we got it to turn on and stay on the alternator charged the battery enough that it still had some juice this morning. I am going to go have the battery tested and hopefully it really is as minor as that -- but it's an unresolved van issue and I HATE unresolved van issues. I hate that crap worse than having to pay to have it fixed. I'd rather know what's wrong with it and know it will be repaired rather than wondering, every damned time I go out to start the thing, whether it's going to run, whether I'll be able to get the kids to and from school or go pick up milk at the grocery store if I need it. Knowing the thing is running, but begrudgingly, and not knowing how long it will last this time really gets to me.

The other thing that could be contributing is quite silly, now that I'm sitting here picking it apart. I had a dream this morning that we got into trouble over a specific situation in our lives. Now, the circumstances through which we got into this trouble in the dream are simply not going to happen. They involve other people doing things for which, in the real world, there is no reasonable expectation of them doing. And yet I'm left with this slightly anxious feeling that these actions will somehow transpire, or that we will otherwise end up in the same trouble via different means. It's a situation that is not really easy to resolve just this minute, so I'm left with that limbo that I hate so much. Instead of being able to solve the problem and rest easy in my mind I am constantly on hyper-alert, always watching. Makes it very hard to relax. I think the dream, which was very realistic, is amplifying the daily concern I've had over this issue for the past few weeks. I need to shake loose of the dream's residual feelings and understand that the chances of this causing us problems are no larger today than they were yesterday. (I realize all this is very vague but I don't want to go into too much more detail.)

Yes, I think those two things, plus the added elements of Madalyn's upcoming birthday, for which I don't feel I'm prepared, AND Halloween, for which the older two kids still have no costumes, AND the trip I'm supposed to take next month but now appears to be in jeopardy, would very likely be the reasons for my unsettled feeling.

And, so, with all that said, has this actually helped much? Perhaps a little. I have begun to realize as I type this that the main factor in my feeling this way, today, was the dream. Unfortunately, recognizing this doesn't do that much to alleviate the worries. The only thing that will truly help that is to get through today and see that what I dreamed of happening isn't actually going to come to pass. Until then I guess I'm destined to spend the day feeling this way. Bummer.

On our way out of town on Thursday the van began to overheat. We turned around and were able to get to the mechanic's where they diagnosed it as a bad water pump. The part came in on yesterday and they installed it and put on a new serpentine belt, too, because it appeared they couldn't get the other back on without it snapping. Four hundred dollars later I picked the thing up at 5 p.m.

At 8:15 this morning the kids and I got in the van to leave for school. It would not start. It wouldn't even turn over most of the time. When it did turn over and then catch it turned off immediately. I called AAA and they've towed it back to the mechanic.

Folks, I don't even know what to say. I am TIRED. I am tired of dealing with this and I don't even have the energy left to rant and rave. I have come to the realization that this is never. going. to. end. This piece of garbage is not going to just suddenly become reliable. It's just not. This is the third time it's broken down in a month. We absolutely cannot keep this vehicle, and, yet, I don't think we have a choice. We owe money on it. We could sell the van probably for about what we owe and pay it off, but then I have no vehicle and I don't know who would give us one. We could trade it in but then we're still making the payments on a car we no longer own, plus payments on a new car. What I want to know is, how does this happen? Does this crap happen to anyone else besides us? I keep trying to figure out if it's our fault....did we make some bad decision along the way that's causing all of this? I guess it is our fault we can't just walk into any dealership and be financed for a car. I get that. We screwed up. But this is ridiculous. I see dozens of people every day who are far less well off than we are and who apparently have no trouble obtaining cars. How did we manage to get ourselves into the unique position of being stuck with this nightmare of a van?

For nine months I was without a car and when this opportunity presented itself it seemed serendipitous; like the curse had finally lifted. Ha! I should've known better than that. Oh, I got a vehicle and it was even the kind I wanted.....and it's turned out to be complete shit. Apparently I complained too long and loudly about wanting a vehicle. Now I'm stuck with one whether I want it or not. Perfect.

(Sorry for that heaping helping of self-pity, everyone, but I have just HAD IT. Madalyn's birthday is in a week and I haven't gotten her gifts yet, the older two kids don't have any Halloween costumes yet, we need umpteen things for the house, and that van has cost us $900 in the past four weeks and is about to cost who-knows-how-much more that we don't have. I am sick of this.)

New pictures up on Picasa! Clicky-clicky the slide show on the left to view them in their full-sized glory.

Will regale you with the tale of the Dallas trip tomorrow or Tuesday. For now I'm off to bed; a trip to a kids' ranch with a gaggle of kindergarteners and basketball evaluations and sign-up for two of the three crumbsnatchers loom on Monday's horizon.

So we got our Directv installed yesterday. We got two brand-new receivers (one Hi-Def) rather than using our old ones, which we'd had probably three years. As you may or may not know, Directv receivers plug into not only the satellite hookup but also your phone line, so that it can call once a day and download information. I was watching t.v. just now and the phone rang, and I jumped up to go check the caller i.d. It was no one I wanted to talk to so I sat back down and I noticed a weird message in the bottom corner of the t.v. screen. Upon closer inspection I realized that it was telling me who was calling! It said "Name unavailable" and then showed the phone number, which is exactly the same info the caller i.d. on the phone gave me. How awesome is that?? I don't know if our old receiver had that capability because, at our last house, there was no phone jack in the living room so the receiver was never hooked up to a phone line continuously. Or maybe it's a fairly recent addition. Whatever. It totally rocks.

This is going to actually come in very handy for me because of the Eliza factor. Before she was mobile I would just keep the cordless phone on the couch with me for easy access. Well, now I can't do that because she is on that thing like a rat on a Cheeto. She is absolutely obsessed and has accidentally placed calls before. So, for my sanity, I keep the phone on its charger, up where she can't reach it. Unfortunately that means it's also out of my immediate reach and when it rings I have to put down what I'm doing and dash to the phone to check who's calling. Now when I'm sitting here watching t.v. and the phone rings I'll know if I need to bother getting up and running to get the phone or not.

Doesn't take much to make me happy, folks.

1) Why is it that when we have all afternoon for Eliza to nap, she falls straight to sleep, but when I need her to be up by a certain time because we have to go somewhere she spends twenty minutes yakking and playing around, thereby ensuring that she will not be awake by the time we need to leave and I will have to wake her up to go?

2) Why is it that when we wake up on time in the mornings we almost never walk out the door when we are supposed to, but if we wake up half an hour late we somehow get out the door a few minutes early? It's not like I don't tell the kids to hurry even on the days we got up on time.

3) Why is it that 90% of the things we (my immediate family) do are twice as difficult and/or complicated as it is for everyone else? The satellite guy is here to install Directv (which we've had for years, at every house we've lived in). He already came and left without doing anything once, because he didn't know how to get a second co-ax outlet where he needed one. Then I figured out a solution to that problem and he came back this morning. He's been here for the better part of 2.5 hours and seems to have made very little progress, and now I hear him on the phone with someone. I get the sneaking suspicion he's going to come tell me there's some OTHER problem that makes the installation impossible. For crying out loud, all I want is my satellite back! WIth TiVo....is that too much to ask?

(P.S.: Hi! I'm back from the dead....or the comatose-after-moving, anyway. We're off to Dallas this weekend for fall break but I'll have my computer with me so perhaps I can work on sweeping the cobwebs out of this place.)

Please pardon the lack of posting, folks. The move really kicked my butt; it was ten times more work than I thought it would be. It's over now but, no sooner did we finish, then I've been swamped this week with other things, including two separate kids' dental appointments. After this morning things should settle back to normal, at least for a little while, so I'll be back in the swing of writing today or tomorrow. I have lots about which to ramble.

Hang with me!

Still at our old house!

Yes, the moving company hit a slight snag; that snag being that they haven't bothered to show up. But, no fear! They called a few minutes ago to say they were a mere 50 minutes away. I suggested they put us off until tomorrow, but, oh, no. They have a full day tomorrow, too. Therefore the movers will be arriving here to begin loading our stuff around 8 p.m. On a school day. Isn't that special?

A more assertive (read: richer) person would have told them to take their moving truck and shove it; however, their services come relatively cheap (proving the old adage that you get what you pay for). So we are going to grin and bear it. Thank heavens Robert decided yesterday to clear his schedule for the rest of the week and come home two days early. My plan to prevent my children from missing out on 2-3 hours' worth of sleep is to take them over to the house while Robert stays here to supervise the loading. We have nothing to move into JZ's room, so I can make up a bed for the older two on the floor and open up the pack n' play for Eliza and have them sleep in there.

Ah, I tell you....the fun just never ends around here.