When I found out Bret Michaels, lead singer of Poison, was doing a Bachelor-style reality dating show, I knew I had to watch. (Rock of Love on VH1, Sundays) Hey, I may be the world's biggest Beatles fan but I still have a soft spot for my 80s hair metal bands. I thought it might be fun to see so I set my TiVo, not sure what to expect but curious how it would all pan out.

Well, several episodes in I am still watching, but only for the sheer train wreck factor. First off, I expected a lot of beautiful women -- you know, real model types, like you used to see in Poison videos. Instead the producers have presented us with the motliest collection of ladies I've ever seen under one roof. There are some seriously fugly broads in that house. Several of them look like old leather pouches due to continual baking in tanning beds. As you might suspect there is not a set of natural boobs in the joint, which might explain how they got on the show in the first place despite their overall unattractiveness.

All this wouldn't be so bad if there was a single likable girl in the group. On The Bachelor there are always a few girls to whom I take a liking and who I think the guy should choose. But, in this bunch, there isn't one. They are all loud and obnoxious and bitchy. The quieter ones have already been sent home for not making asses of themselves -- oh, I mean, they "didn't know how to party". It's quite shocking how rude and disgusting these women are. They are, by and large, drunk, foul-mouthed, cigarette-smoking, morally-bankrupt skanks, for lack of a better term. They start drinking as soon as they roll out of bed. They curse like sailors. They get in catfights with each other. Watching the show I can almost see the fumes rising from those girls. I imagine they must smell something like an ashtray that's been doused in bourbon. I am sure that some of them are fairly safe but Bret should seriously consider a round of penicillin if he gets too friendly with a few of them. Yes, it seems the producers culled the finest trailer parks across the nation to find these women. It's really too bad they didn't try to think outside the box and tap some classier sources for potentials.

And, no, this is not sour grapes on my part. I am long past my teenage-crush days. I was merely interested in the show as you'd be interested in an old friend from high school -- you wonder how they're doing and wish them well. I know Bret has been unlucky in love and I was hoping he'd find someone lovely out of this whole deal. I tried to find someone to root for but I couldn't. There's not a single woman on there who hasn't struck me as trashy. The best I've been able to do is find a few to root against because they are the worst of the lot. I've been completely astonished as I've watched the show because it really seems as though they scraped the bottom of the barrel to find contestants. And I've been equally astonished that Bret seems to think they are all just wonderful. He keeps blaming rock and roll for the demise of all his previous relationships, which is probably true in a roundabout way (though not the way he's thinking). I think it's true in the sense that he keeps hooking up with these chicks you'd find backstage after a Poison concert. Perhaps if he'd find a nice girl who had something going for her other than silicone and alcoholism he'd have something that lasted.

Man, what was with Julie Chen's outfit tonight on Big Brother? That dress looked like something you'd wear if your prom was being held at the Shady Rest Funeral Home. Mortuary chic. And, if that wasn't bad enough, she topped it off with a necklace from the Wilma Flintstone collection.

Julie....fire your stylist, stat!

Well, you've got to hand it to the producers of Big Brother 6. Just when you thought they couldn't possibly come up with a twist more anti-climactic than last summer's "Project DNA" they go and prove you wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you "America's Choice" as the new title holder in the neverending battle for "least impactful and most pointless twist in a reality show."

If they really had any guts and even a modicum of creativity, they would've attached a proviso to the original idea that America would be allowed to select a houseguest to re-enter the house. It would have stated, "The houseguest who wins America's Choice and re-enters the house also automatically receives immunity for the week and cannot be evicted." You know, give the returning fellow a chance to really shake things up and cause problems.

But, no. The Powers That Be, in their infinite wisdom (?), came to the decision that simply allowing the winner to walk back in the front door was enough of a bone to throw to the viewing audience and that no further action was necessary. As a result, we have yet another ho-hum "surprise twist" that started out as a really good idea but then failed quite spectacularly, spiraling to earth in a blaze of good intentions, crashing into the ratings basement.

So long, Kaysar. We hardly knew ye. You were my favorite; I voted for you to return. You should've kept your finger on that button, though. Never trust overbaked troll dolls masquerading as cheerleaders.