1) Johnny, upon entering the room with a toy dog in one hand, a frog in the other, waving his arms and running in place: "My Webkinz are controlling my body! Ahhhhhh!" (Note to self: Google "Webkinz + demonic possession" and check results.)

2) I really cannot get over the cuteness of Eliza with her dolls. She has now appropriated Madalyn's American Girl Bitty Baby to add to her collection (Mad's never played with the darned thing, anyway). When she wraps her fat little arms around one of the "babies" and carries it around the room I just want to grab her and nibble on her.

3) Speaking of toys, this? Best investment EVAH. (Though the price reflected there is nowhere near what I paid; it was much less.) I can't count the number of times a day she goes in and out of that little door. She'll take toys or her cup in there and sit, playing happily, for quite a while. I don't know how much I've spent on toddler toys over the years, only to have most of the purchases hold little interest, so it's great when I actually hit one out of the park.

4) I went to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 this evening. I've read all the books so I felt an obligation. It was good but it made me kind of sad, because I'll never have friends like that. Friends, sure; I don't mean to invalidate the people who are nice to me. The four-way friendship portrayed in the books/movies, though...it's way beyond your standard fare. And due to my reclusiveness and general inability to network, I doubt any of my kids will grow up with that type of friend, too. Which kinda sucks of me.

5) We are now at T-minus eight days and counting until the start of the new school year. I am bewildered and baffled by the rapid disappearance of our summer break. Frankly, and I think this is a testament to the extremity of my laziness and distaste for authority, I wish we could home school so I could avoid the nine months of rushing and running that comes when one has three children going to three different schools.

6) I just took a micro-nap that was disguised as a really long blink. I guess that's my signal to head for bed (the blurred vision and dark gray shadows under my eyes weren't indicative enough, I guess).

Random-y goodness, because I can't be arsed to pull it together cohesively.

1) Madalyn did basketball camp at the college this past week. She went every day from 1-4 and they worked on fundamentals. She said it was essentially the same stuff they did at the camp she went to back in June. I told her, tough titties, kid. If you're going to buy me a house and take care of me in my old age in the manner in which I'd like to become accustomed, you've got to start working now. I expect a return on my investment.

(Ha.)

2) Meanwhile, I had gotten the idea that it would be great to sign up both Madalyn and JZ for a gymnastics camp, also this past week. It was from 9-12 and was at a gym that's about five miles out of town. So Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday looked like this: Myself up by 7:30, kids up by 8:00, give them breakfast, rush them through grooming and dressing, leave the house by 8:40. Drive to gym, drop them off, drive back to town. Hang around the house. Make lunch around 11:40, put it in the fridge, walk out the door. Drive back to the gym, pick them up, drive home and throw lunch on the table immediately so that we can walk out the door again at 12:45 to deliver Madalyn to basketball. Come home and put Eliza down for her (overdue) nap. Wake her up again at 3:45 to leave to retrieve Madalyn. Get home and do dinner, baths, laying out of clothes, and attempt to shoehorn the children into bed at 8:00, even though it's still light out, because they both need about twelve hours' sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.

3) On the plus side, both kids loved the gymnastics camp. I arrived to pick them up slightly early the first day and the first words out of their mouths when I walked in? "We're not done yet!!!" No hi, we missed you, let's have lunch, kiss my butt; just, essentially, "Don't even THINK about asking us to leave right now." They did tumbling, trampoline and obstacle course. We hadn't even gotten home yet Tuesday before I heard that they couldn't wait to go back the next day and make an even harder obstacle course (they got to build it themselves).

4) I really wish I had the energy (and motivation, for that matter) to spend three hours doing gymnastics and then segue directly into another three hours playing basketball. Hell, I'd be happy if I could muster the interest in three minutes.

5) Today Robert is taking the older two to stew in a festering soup of germs and God-knows-what-else, a.k.a. the public swimming pool. I'm going to stay home and enjoy the semi-quiet that comes with having most of them out of the house and the remaining one napping.

6) Alas, above will not be enough to entirely improve the crummy mood in which I woke up this morning. I have explained, numerous times, in the past that Mary without alone time equals a very unhappy camper. I can limp along for quite a while but I eventually reach a point where I start to implode if I haven't gotten to go roam free. And, going back to June, I have not had much opportunity to get out by myself. For a week or maybe two before we left on our trip I had no "me time" because we were busy with other things. During our three-and-a-half weeks in California I only got out alone a few times and mostly it was just to run an errand or two and then come straight back. Unfortunately, dashing to Walgreens for nasal spray doesn't really register on the relaxation meter. I sneaked in a meal a couple of times but it's never very leisurely. I always feel as though I'm under the gun, lest my dad bitch at me for leaving the kids with my mom too long. When Robert was there and could watch the kids I chose to go shopping with my mom instead of going places alone. We did avail ourselves of her babysitting services one night but that was for a (long overdue) date night. Then we returned last weekend and Robert was in the house less than 18 hours before he had to leave for work again. So, yes, it's been way longer than is advisable for me to go without an afternoon to myself, without people whining at me or nagging at me or delivering an unending soliloquy in a really high-pitched voice (which is, apparently, the only way stuffed animals know how to speak), or wanting to eat or just finishing eating or needing to go to sleep or just waking up from being asleep. (Or making a mess which, on the one hand, I'm happy to see is keeping them entertained but, on the other, is just one more thing I have to prod them to clean up.)

7) Happily, I have a husband who totally rocks, so I will be going out for those few, precious hours of solitude later today, after the swimming pool trip. We had planned to do a date night tonight (put kids to bed at 8:00, make dinner, watch new episode of Cinematic Titanic, uninterrupted) but I think, after witnessing my really bad attitude all morning, he's determined it would be in everyone's best interest to do some shuffling of the schedule to get me out of the house. Poor guy.

8) Speaking of pictures (What? I know you were thinking it. Don't lie.) I am planning on putting a bunch of new ones up on Picasa today or tomorrow. When that's done I'll make a new slideshow badge and post it here for everyone to check out. I've been slacking in the photo department lately.

9) Huh. Brain just locked up. Guess I'm done.

Would it be too geeky/twee/excessive to have JZ wear a Beatles shirt to travel if Madalyn is already wearing her John Lennon shirt?

I'm just trying to sort out what everyone's wearing on the plane next week. I like them to look cute and put-together but I don't necessarily want them in their really nice going-out clothes, plus I don't like them to wear anything light-colored because they always manage to either spill their drink or smear snack crumbs on themselves at least once during the course of the trip. JZ's Yellow Submarine shirt would be perfect because it's tie-dyed bright colors so it would conceal a multitude of errors. The shirts aren't what I'd call "cute" but it ratchets up their hipness factor and that is an acceptable substitute.

So, what do you think?

(And, yes, this is the kind of stuff I spend time thinking about. Unsettling glimpse into how my mind works, hmm?)

The following books are currently in transit to my house:

Plum Lucky (new Stephanie Plum between-the-numbers novella)

Zen Parenting: the Art of Learning What You Already Know

Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring For Yourself and Your Children

Pre-ordered; due to be released February 5th on DVD: Across the Universe (which I highly recommend -- more on it later on my Beatleblog)

Yes, retail therapy is alive and well in my house. I wish I had something to report other than the most recent things I've blown money on but, alas, 'tis all I have going on right now. The titles of the second and third books should give you an idea of how well I'm handling being confined to the homestead.

Gah. I think I need to look around and find a better attitude before I post again.

This is how I know:

I tried to resist for numerous years but they finally got me. This time of year I'm liable to burst out in song (burst out in jingle?) at any moment.

For all you non-Okies, here's a little history behind this Oklahoma Christmas carol: History

Madalyn announced this morning that she was "fixing to" go to the bathroom.

We have been in Oklahoma WAY too long, people.

You know what I'd love to have right now?

Mallomars.

Why those things are only available on the east coast, I'll never know. And why I thought of that just now, I'll also never know. I haven't had a Mallomar since I was in NYC on my honeymoon nine years ago.

Oh no....and thinking of eating in NYC has just given me the most godawful craving for a knish. I may end up huddled in a corner, sobbing, before the day is out. Why, WHY must I live in a culinary black hole??

In case anyone wonders if I ever listen to anything but the Beatles I thought I'd share the track list for the CD I'm burning right now to take with me in the van. It is as follows:

Memphis, Tennessee -- Johnny Rivers

Always -- Bon Jovi

I Want You Back -- The Jackson 5

Hello, Dolly! -- Louis Armstrong

My Girl -- The Jackson 5

A Patrick Swayze Christmas -- from the t.v. show Mystery Science Theater 3000

Love & Affection -- Nelson (shaddup)

Drift Away -- Ringo Starr with Tom Petty and Alanis Morissette

I Just Called to Say I Love You -- Stevie Wonder

Positively 4th Street -- Bob Dylan

It's My Life -- Bon Jovi

See? Only one Beatle-y track on the entire CD. The rest is a bit of an odd mishmash.....not unlike myself, I suppose.

A week ago Sunday Robert took the kids for a hike in the woods. He did an excellent job keeping them out of the poison oak/ivy -- so excellent that they didn't get a single spot on them but he came home with it and then passed it on to me.

I have a bunch of spots on my stomach, one on each hip, on the backs of my knees, on my forearms, and then two spots on my cheek (actually, three -- two are spots and the other looks like a long scratch) and a sizeable spot on the inside corner of my right eye.

So I can deal with the itching and stuff, though we've gone through two bottles of Caladryl. The spots are dried up now and are healing. Unfortunately the spots on my face have turned an angry purple-red. It looks AWFUL. The weird thing is it looked better when I got up this a.m. but then I threw up and it turned bright purple again, I guess from all the blood being forced to my face. (Don't ever let anyone tell you that being pregnant isn't glamorous!)

The face spots don't itch anymore so I keep forgetting they're there and my mom and I went out to run a bunch of errands today. It kept occurring to me that people were looking at me funny all day. Then Robert was looking at me a little while ago and joked, "Great, now people are going to think I'm smacking you around" and I took another look at myself and realized it does look for all the world like someone's been whacking me in the face! I'm kind of scary looking.

Hopefully nobody calls CPS or anything. I sure wish this would hurry up and fade because it's kind of disturbing to look at.

How can a word as ugly as pulchritude mean "beauty"?

I found the stupid pole, in case anyone was wondering.

I forgot it was in two pieces. I had stuck it behind a tall box in the sunroom, wedged between the box and the wall. It definitely kept JZ from finding it but I would not consider the solution a complete success since it also prevented me from finding it for three days. "Throwing the baby out with the bath water" springs to mind.

Anyway, tapestry, pole and abandoned finial have been reunited and await hanging, which will probably happen tomorrow. I may post a picture of it, if the mood strikes.

You start mocking your cats for not having opposable thumbs.

(Yes, this happened last night. I'm not proud.)

Cor blimey, I'm tired. Also I seem to have turned British during my nap, which is never a good sign. Did you ever have one of those days where you are tired and so you lie down and doze on and off and then wake up with your throat and mouth absolutely parched and you are still nearly cross-eyed from exhaustion? That would be me right now. The only reason I'm upright (and clothed, I might add) is because it's Thursday. Thursday (as you may remember from my krazee day last week ) is dance day. That means I have to be ready to receive Madalyn off the bus and be ready to go, as she arrives at 3 and dance starts at 3:15.

Everyone chant with me: car car car car car car. If you have a spare chicken you want to sacrifice to help things along I'd be most obliged.

On a plus note: keep watching this space. There's a new design coming soon. I'm thrilled to bits about it because I have no life. At least it doesn't take much to keep me happy.

So, Robert is out of town overnight. Yeah, yeah, bummer, boohoo and all that crap, and yet: YAY! Because what he did was rent a car for the weekend, leaving me with AN AUTOMOBILE with which I can actually LEAVE THE HOUSE WHENEVER I WANT TO!! I took JZ out running errands this morning and ENJOYED it because it was me! Out of the house! Doing whatever I wanted!

Pathetic.

He will be back around noon tomorrow. I will tag him at the door and jump in the rental car and be off for MY overnight stay. I am staying up in Oklahoma City near my favorite mall and plan to have yummy meals and do a spot of shopping...oh yes, and see my very favorite Beatles tribute band TWICE. (Have I mentioned?) Tomorrow night at 8 is the first show, which I will attend solo. (Please save your pity - I actually like going to concerts by myself more than with other people. I let my hair down a bit more when I'm on my own. ) Sunday Robert and the kids will drive up and meet me for the 3:00 show.

Today is day #5 of doing Weight Watchers and it's going very well. I have gotten back "the spark" that I had the first time I went on WW and was very successful (prior to having JZ). Since JZ was born I have tried numerous times to get back on but have never been able to find that spark I had the first time. In these subsequent tries I resented having to account for everything that went into my mouth and had a litany of "I hate this I hate this I hate this" playing on continuous loop in the back of my mind. This usually resulted in me not even making it through an entire day before I "cheated" or just scrapped the entire program entirely. This time, though, I'm actually kind of enjoying myself. Instead of feeling defeated and sad when I look at my clothes that are a little snug I am now getting excited because it hits me that they will be loose before too long. Perhaps it's just my imagination but I am already feeling less bulky and I swear my fat gut isn't quite so prominent. Also my jeans today felt a little loose but that may have been because it was the second time I was wearing them. We're real class acts around here.

I even led myself into temptation today and came through with flying colors. I took JZ to McDonald's and split a meal with him. I got a taste of what I was craving and I was happy with it. No temptation to snag some of his food or go back and order more. And I also discovered that I can pour a half diet, half regular Coke and it actually tastes acceptable to me and I enjoy it, which is HUGE.

Tonight I am taking the kids down to the restaurant to eat. Also to finagle some cash out of BIL for my trip tomorrow. It's a half-hour drive down there but I am looking forward to it because, again, pathetic no-car person = happy for any excuse to get out of the house. Next month, though....next month we should (tap wood) be able to remedy my sorry situation!

Have a lurvely weekend, everyone

Ingredients:

1) A good meal

2) Money in the pocket, waiting to burn

3) GymBucks

4) A sandwich from Panera Bread

5) Gay cowboys

Combine and result will hopefully be a fun day. The first four ingredients are staples for me but the gay cowboys are something new. I got the recipe from a guy in West Hollywood, you see, so I have no choice. I'm trying to broaden my horizons.

Speaking of food-related questions: am I the only person who is made hungrier by eating an apple?

When my mom would have one of her frequent tummy upsets she would eat an apple. Not only would it settle her stomach but she'd be ready to eat a meal soon after.

I almost never eat apples but it sounded good to me the other day. My stomach didn't feel empty before I ate it. But within twenty minutes of consuming the thing I was absolutely ravenous.

Maybe mom and I are just weird...

Fall has finally come to Oklahoma, and with a vengeance. All day yesterday there was unrelenting, cold wind. Today the wind has moved on but it's still only a balmy 48 degrees at almost 1 p.m. Four days ago it was almost 80.

This state has got to be one of the most schizophrenic, weather-wise. I've been here 9 years now and I'm still not used to it.

So, tell me.....

May I just take a moment to say how much I adore the "Band on the Run" album?

Thanks. I feel better now.

We're preparing for a garage sale tomorrow. Heavens, is it depressing. We should really be ashamed of how much stuff we have. We've had three garage sales in the two years we've lived at this house and yet....our garage is still half-filled with "inventory" and I will probably haul out another bag or two from the house sometime today.

Why, why, WHY do we have so much stuff? What possible use do we have for all of it?

I will tell you one thing, though -- this time it's priced to sell. I want it gone and that which does not get sold is going to the local women's shelter. They go through it and pick out the stuff they can use, then send the rest on to the Salvation Army. I am so over dealing with all of it. Next time we have a garage sale we will be starting from scratch. Unfortunately I suspect we will have nearly as much stuff as we do this time.

Zoot, who designed my blog skin for me, was right. The background she first had on it had a little more green in it. It was the exact color of the baby's outfit. But I had to butt in and ask her to change it to match the mother's outfit. Now I'm sitting here, looking at it, thinking she was right and I should've left her alone!

Well, if there's one thing this whole process has taught me, it's that I know nothing and I should just be quiet and let the professionals handle things.