I just don't know. I'm torn. I think I've been getting my fill of sharing with people on Facebook. Only problem is a lot of the stuff on Facebook isn't permanent. My status updates, for example, disappear when they are bumped down my profile page, never to be seen again. I like having something I can go back and refer to later. But am I really going to start posting here every time a thought crosses my mind? Doubtful. At least on Facebook I get some feedback. That's not entirely why I blog but it does encourage one to keep at it, and a lot of times I DO want feedback on something. The computer is the majority of the interaction I get with people. A lot of times I want to know what people think about a particular subject. This is not an indictment, incidentally. Simply an observation that (through my own neglect) not many people read this blog any more.

Any road, I have much to think about. Hopefully I will have an "ah-ha!" moment and all will be made clear.

While I look forward to this no matter what anyone thinks of it, it does occur to me that my assimilation may be more complete than I care to admit. You can't get much more rural Oklahoma than being excited about hanging out at the Walmart. Add to it the fact that I've got the BC Clark jingle on my iPod and, well....things aren't looking good for me, folks.

This small fact notwithstanding, I do look forward to my mornings out, probably for the most part because they're OUT. I don't get out much, folks, in case you haven't been playing along at home, and I get out even less without at least one rugrat in tow. I'm actually someone who doesn't mind running errands....when I can go by myself and intersperse the "must-dos" with a nice meal, a browse around a favorite store, etc. I love being able to go out and either do things as quickly and efficiently as I like OR take my time and meander as suits my mood, without being hindered in my efforts or someone complaining at me they're bored. The tuition we pay for Eliza's two full days is worth every cent, especially for someone like me who doesn't have the help during the week and has to pretty much handle everything on her own.

Oh, and for what it's worth, if we had a Super Target? I'd SO be there every Monday morning, instead.

In a happy coincidence, Madalyn's field trip to the local kids' ranch (a reward for meeting reading goals) is today. She is going to be one busy bee. She arrived at school only to immediately jump on the bus to her gifted & talented class. She'll get back to her campus and go straight to lunch and, from lunch, onto another bus for the field trip. She will return to school an hour before the end of the day, during which time she and her classmates will eat the cupcakes I'm taking down there when I go to drop off her special birthday lunch. When she gets home she'll have her presents and after that we'll go to dinner. It's going to be a fun birthday, and that's not even counting her party on Friday evening!

Personally, I will be glad when it's all over and I can relax, because this crap doesn't get done by itself, people. Phew.

I just don't understand people who are so insecure with their choices that they have to diminish others to make themselves feel better about what they're doing. Or is it that they have low self-esteem and are desperate to prove to themselves that they are doing something "right?" Sure, there are things in life that are not perfect and that need change. But that doesn't mean those things are 100% bad, across the board, nor does it mean that anyone who chooses those things is lazy, uneducated or unable to think for themselves. Believe it or not, sometimes people? They make different choices than you do. And it doesn't mean they're stupid. If someone has truly thought over an issue and has made an informed decision about it, then that is all you need to know and you should shut the hell up with the subtle barbs and sly digs about how we, the unwashed masses, are so deluded and wrong. You aren't better than me, your kids aren't better than mine. NO ONE is "better" than anyone else. We're all human beings and we're all doing the best we can. Just because my best is different from yours doesn't make me wrong and you right.

Later on I was flipping through the composition book. Mostly the pages are filled with records of debit card transactions and random notes meant to jog my memory ("Drop pressing Get Tylenol JZ haircut"). However, one page bears the following inscription:

"I'm about to be made responsible for a pack of deranged rabid howler monkeys!"

That's it. No elaboration or explanation. Just that rather pessimistic declaration which I, apparently, felt the need to record for posterity and possible further use (on this blog, no doubt).

If I had to take a guess I would imagine that the statement was triggered not by psychotropic drugs, as one might assume, but by the advent of Vacation Bible School, for which I always volunteer. I would've been with the 2nd/3rd graders that year, who, while considerably more civilized than the Kindy/1st grade group, are still a handful. Actually, now that I think of it, I remember why I would've been expecting the worst. The first two years I helped with Madalyn's class she was in the Kindy/1st grade group, and a wilder bunch of heathens I've never encountered. Then I took the following year off, not because they'd broken me but because I had a newborn Eliza at home. So I missed the first year of her being in the 2nd/3rd grade class and, consequently, didn't know how they'd behave and expected them to be just as exhausting as my first two groups had been. Therefore, as Monday approached, a sense of impending doom settled over me like a blanket of smog over Van Nuys, and probably lead to that note in my composition book. All for naught, that, as I ended up being pleasantly surprised at how much more mellow the kids were at two years older.

I could go on more about the composition book and how every. other. entry. in the transaction record section is FOOD, but I wouldn't want the gimmick to die of overuse.

Mission accomplished.

As if this weren't distracting enough, this episode also features a guest appearance by Rosie O'Donnell playing a character named Madeline which, I have to say, is, like, totally ruining the name for me. I'm now having visions of my Madalyn growing up to be a large, angry lesbian.

(I can deal with the large and lesbian parts; it's the angry added to it that makes it unpleasant package.)

In other news.....well, there isn't much. Things are chugging along here like normal. I've hit one of those lulls where I'm bored and yet I recall that the cosmic universe has a sense of humor and that it's best not to complain too much about things being dull because sometimes the solution is excitement of the kind you'd rather not have. So, all things considered, perhaps it's best I have nothing major to report at this time.

I am going on a trip next month; a little "me time" to replace what my Louisville trip was to me before I started taking Madalyn. I'll be attending Beatles Fest West in San Francisco. I'm looking forward to it, needless to say. Despite having grown up three hours away I have not spent much time in the Bay Area at all. We always went south since that's where all our relatives were. The bands at this festival also appear at Abbey Road on the River so this will be a nice little interlude to tide me over until the next AROTR. I plan to stay an extra day and do some sightseeing, as well.

Alas, my head starts to feel better and the alarm rings in four hours, so I'm afraid that's as interesting as it gets for tonight.

I love this picture. And, no, not in the "I took it and it's so awesome" sense; nor in the "I was playing around with it at Picnik and it turned out cool" sense.

No, what I love about it is how it sums up my daughter's attitude in a single snapshot. It's youthful enthusiasm captured and preserved digitally for posterity. This is Eliza, outside the church on her first day of preschool for the year. She had her "packpack", her shoes and her "pretty" (dress) and she was ready to conquer the world. Oh, and see her friends, especially her favorite, Matthew (who she was smooching on later in the week at the football game, but we won't talk about that).

Just think -- when was the last time YOU were this enthusiastic about, well, anything? I highly doubt that many of you out there feel this way about your jobs. Even if you like your profession I can't imagine you go running up the sidewalk every morning with your arms flung wide to the universe (and, if you do, I'd like some of what you're smoking).

No, we sit here worrying about this, worrying about that (mostly stuff we can't even control, anyway). We think, "I'll be happy....when this, this and this happen" or "I'll take the time to enjoy the little things later - I'm too busy right now." But who knows what tomorrow holds? Maybe we'll never get the chance to do all the things we think we're going to do "later."

Then there's Liza. She's got a roof over her head, she's feeling good, she has food in her belly and she's got family and friends. And she's happy. It's actually pretty simple, when you think about it.

Today is Eliza's first day of preschool for the year, which translates to "the first day all three kids are gone all day on a weekday." Last year Eliza attended preschool but she only went for two-and-a-half hours. By the time I got home from dropping her off, had a shower and ate some breakfast it was almost time to turn around and go back to get her!

This year, however, she'll be staying all day. From 9 a.m. until 3 p.m., two days a week, I am a free woman. And, for the moment, it's slightly disconcerting. When I headed upstairs with my breakfast a little while ago I found myself thinking, "Okay, I'll just set this down and then put up the baby gate.....Oh."

I wouldn't say it's unpleasant, this feeling. It's just....different. It's been two-and-a-half years since I've had entire weekdays all to myself at home. When Robert is home he helps out a lot by taking the kids places but they usually are only gone for a few hours and I know they could be home at any time. With them all being at school I now have two days a week when they leave in the morning and I know I have until 3:00 to do what I like - or what I need (it comes very handy for me being that I'm on my own most of the week and sometimes have a hard time getting things like appointments and errands done).

I was sitting here thinking, earlier, about how I really wish we lived in an area where there was more for me to do. There just isn't much going on around here, and while I won't be bored staying at home, I do feel like it's a shame to waste the opportunity to get out and do some things. If only we lived in an area with museums and libraries and neat hang-out spots I would be taking full advantage of those things.

That said, however, the bottom line is I am grateful for the short respite and intent to use it not only for practical endeavors but also to recharge and remind myself I'm more than just MomBot 3000.

Now if only I can break myself of the habit of opening the van door when I get home to unbuckle Eliza when she's not even there.

(580): Haven't heard from you in a while. We're on the road with my parents to Southern Cal for a family bbq.

(414): Been kind of a busy week. Where in Southern part is the picnic? And how can it be the end of July already?

(580): In Moreno Valley - east of LA county. 5 hour drive from A-town. Don't know where the summer has gone!

(414): Are you the ony Beatle B***** at the reunion or are there more of you?

(580): Dad & I are the only B*****s, period. These are all H*****s, Mom's people. I'm the only Beatles nut. Oddball as always!

(414): Them H*****s are pretty oddball, from what I hear from the other hill folk. Goofy as all getout. Goofy as the day is long.

(580): The word's out, huh? I should've known.

(414): Biggest ripoff/disappointment: Revolutions Bar @ the Mirage. $10 for a rum & Coke? Please. If there had been more time (AND more money), I'd have liked to hav

(580): Message cut off. You'd like to have done what? Something dirty? :)

(414): ...paid the cover charge and gone to the Revolutions nightclub next to the theater.

(580): Drat. Well, I guess that would've been okay too.




7/27/09, 10:48 a.m. PST

(414): I got my racing sausage bobblehead - but I still think all those H*****s are GOOFY.

(580): Says the man with the bobble-headed phallic symbol.

(414): At least they're not giving out H***** family bobbleheads....that'd be too weird.

(580): Oh yeah? Well, you're a poopyhead! So there! Ha!

(414): Actually I'm very fond of the H*****s. :p

(580): You should be. We're AWESOME.

(414): At least we can agree that, with the exception of your children, ALL of the J*****s is GOOFY!

(580): Yeah, I'm totally on board with that.

8/15/09, 3:15 p.m. CST

(580): Tell Bobby Jack he'd better not be telling all our secrets. I vaguely remember how girls talk when they get together.

(918): He's already passed out. That seriously happened on ur wedding night....

(580): I dunno....I was downstairs partying with two Elvis impersonators, a showgirl and a Bolivian midget.

5:05 p.m.

(580): WTF? Did you all leave him in a ditch somewhere? My children are asking where Daddy is. I don't have the heart to tell them.

(918): LOL He is on his way home!

(580): Partially sober, I hope. And still wearing pants would be a huge bonus.

(918): Consider that our gift to you. :)

All of this came about (relatively) quickly. In the past I've known for months in advance the cities where he would be playing and then tickets have always gone on sale several months before the shows. On this abbreviated tour, however, his August 17th show in Tulsa was announced in July. I have known about the Dallas show for even less time. Somehow, and I'm not sure how I managed it, but somehow I missed the news that Paul was playing there. I had no clue until a friend mentioned it to me on July 13th, scarcely more than a month before the show!

There was some self-created drama centered around whether or not I'd get tickets for both shows or not, and also whether or not I could take Madalyn as I'd been planning to do for about the past seven years. It really is crap timing, though, us having just got back from practically the entire summer in California, and financing that, and having to pay our part of the body work incurred by Robert and his run-in with the Single Horse, Man, of the Apocalypse. So, though it was contrary to my wishes, I decided to go solo again (and, okay, it meant I could afford better seats. Shut up.) Now, if Paul never tours again, I will go to my grave wracked with guilt that I never took at least one of my kids to see him, so let's all cross our fingers that he comes around again so my soul can (at some date far in the future) rest in peace, mmmmkay?

So, where does that leave us? Well, it leaves me dashing off to Tulsa on Monday for the show at 7:30. Unfortunately I won't be able to stay overnight so it will be a late, late drive back home afterward. Then I have Tuesday to prepare to be gone overnight and Wednesday I'm off to Dallas for concert #2. I'm staying the night at Le Meridien, near the Dallas Galleria. I plan to have a couple of good meals while I'm out and enjoy the peace and quiet in the hotel room during the short period I'm there.

Not only do I get the joy and thrill of seeing Paul but, like the spoiled brat I am, I have some pretty spiffy seats for both shows. To whit:

Tulsa, Section 120, Row D

Dallas, Section C, Row 16

Yes, needing only a single ticket does have its advantages.

Incidentally, I paid face value for both of these tickets, via the official online ticket outlets (Tickets.com for Tulsa and Ticketbastard for Dallas). Tulsa was simple. I got online and was waiting at the website when the tickets went on sale. The first three or four times I clicked it said nothing was available but I kept trying and that seat popped up. It was actually the section I was hoping for, if I couldn't get a floor seat.

Dallas took a little more diligence. The show was, officially, sold out. However, as many people advised me, the venue often releases seats they'd held as the concert date got closer. I'd been browsing secondary-market tickets on several websites and was frustrated with the selection. The cheaper ones were all too far away from the stage for me to consider and the really good seats were out of my price range. Taking into account the advice I'd received I started checking Ticketbastard every few hours, daily. This went on for about a week. I'd had some moderately acceptable lower-level stadium seats pop up and then some poor floors seats (in Sections A and E, which Ticketbastard flags as having "limited views of the stage.") This past Monday night I was getting ready to head to bed. I almost closed the computer and then thought, "Oh yeah, I'll just check one last time for tonight." Thirty seconds later I nearly fell off the couch when a Section C seat popped up. I even opened a new tab and pulled up the seating chart to make sure it was really where I thought it was! I had a brief moment of temptation where I thought, "Hey, maybe if I put this one back it will give me another one, even closer!" but then I snapped out of it and went, "Whoa, lady, you've ridden the luck train as far as it's going to go. Take it and be done with it!" And, really, you can't get much better than 16th row, dead center floor for face value. I feel like I got off cheaply, and the good thing about shopping for tickets on the secondary market and then reporting the prices back to Robert is, he feels like it was pretty cheap, too. Everybody's happy.

So there's the latest. Check back later in the week for Part Two: Depression and the Aftermath of Post-Concert Letdown.